


The Dream

by elaine



Category: due South
Genre: M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-04-10
Updated: 1999-04-10
Packaged: 2018-11-10 20:10:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11133870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaine/pseuds/elaine
Summary: A dream comes back to haunt Ray.





	The Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

  
The  
Dream

# The Dream

He was so tired... he watched Frannie walk out of the Interview Room with the words she'd said reverberating in his head... 

"...Your problem is that you are so afraid to dream. You are so afraid to reach out for something that you really want. You know what happens to people like you? They get old. They get alone. And they die. And they never know. Well, that's not me." 

He knew she'd said something important, by the way that it hurt, deep inside him... but he just couldn't work out what it was. He stumbled to his feet and out the door, not sure whether he was following her to find out what she meant, or whether he just wanted to get out of there. He stumbled and almost fell against a solid obstacle which grabbed him and held him for a moment before asking in a concerned voice... "Are you alright, Ray?" 

"Yeah, yeah, just tired." 

"I think I should drive you home, Ray." 

"'kay..." He didn't even care that somebody else (Benny, for God's sake!) would be driving his beloved Riv. 

An arm around his shoulders guided him to the door, out into the night. Next thing, he was sitting in the Riv with no memory of getting in it. Benny was driving. Somewhere a small tendril of panic stirred, but he didn't have the energy to pursue the thought. "Wha' ya doin', Benny?" 

"I'm driving you home, Ray." 

Home. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to go home, not feeling like this... He must have said something. 

"Would you like to stay at my place, Ray?" 

"...'kay." 

The next few minutes were like a badly cut film, snippets of scenes that didn't connect properly, but then he was lying on a bed while his clothes were taken off and blankets were wrapped around him. He sighed and let himself fall into the welcoming darkness. 

Three hours later he was wide awake again. He hadn't slept in days, and already he was awake? He tried counting sheep, he tried emptying his mind, but always kept returning to Frannie's words... "afraid to dream..." What the hell did that mean anyway? 

He pushed himself up on one elbow and looked over the edge of the bed thinking, maybe Benny can't sleep either. He was asleep of course, a pale shadow on the floor. Ray watched him for a while, as the moon, rising late, began to cast its light into the room. He stirred slightly as the moonlight caressed his face, his eyelids tightening momentarily as he adjusted to the new level of light. Ray could see him clearly now, hyper-aware, suddenly, of the way his hair was ruffled, the curve of his cheek, the length of his dark lashes as they lay against that cheek. And then he knew. 

No matter what Frannie said , this was one dream he could not allow himself to dream. 

*

Ray was lying on his friend's bed, his head hanging back over the bottom end, with a large wet towel clutched to his bleeding nose, and his shirt and undershirt soaking out the blood stains in cold water in Benny's kitchen sink. He was wondering what was the matter with him. He couldn't believe that he'd actually goaded Benny into hitting him! Benny, of all people ...not that he hadn't deserved it, with the remark he'd made about the Dragon Lady. Still... Benny must be really serious about her. 

The thought terrified him. He'd never forget the nightmare of Victoria's reappearance in Benny's life. The agony of having shot his best friend. The traumatic weeks of his recovery. And now he had to fall for someone like Meg Thatcher... Ray wasn't even sure if Thatcher cared about Benny at all. 

The silence had lasted a long time, Ray wondered if Benny was ready to talk to him. He tipped his head back further to catch a glimpse of Ben sitting at the kitchen table in his T-shirt and uniform pants. Ben was glancing cautiously in his direction. 

Ben came over to kneel by the bed and took the towel away from Ray's nose. It looked a bit swollen, but the bleeding had stopped. He couldn't believe he'd hit Ray. After all the things they'd been through together, to do something like that. No matter what the provocation had been. 

Ray started to push himself up, but Ben put a hand on his bare chest. "I wouldn't sit up yet." 

Ray scooted down a bit so his head was resting on the bed. "I'm sorry, Benny. I shouldn't have said that." 

Ben sighed and began to wipe away the last of the blood with a corner of the towel. "Why do you dislike Meg so much, Ray?" 

"Well she ain't exactly easy to love, ya know." 

"She's had to fight hard to get where she is, and that's made her... reserved with people she doesn't know well." 

"Reserved? Is that what you call it when she tries to fire you the first time she meets you?" 

"You're exaggerating, Ray. It was the second time we met." 

"Oh... that makes all the difference." 

"Ray, please!" 

Ray subsided reluctantly. "Sorry, Benny." 

Ben looked into Ray's eyes, searching for something, while Ray squirmed uncomfortably but didn't look away. "I wish you'd tell me what it is that you don't like about her. You're my closest friend. It matters to me." 

"It's not even her, really," Ray finally admitted. "I just don't want to see you hurt like you were with Vic.." He stopped at the look on Ben's face. They'd never really talked about Victoria and now obviously wasn't a good time to start. There was another long silence. 

"They're very different women, Ray." 

"I know, I know... that doesn't mean she won't hurt you Benny. I don't want to go through that again." 

"You don't want to... I'm so sorry, Ray. It was very thoughtless of me to upset you this way!" Ben started to get up, to move away, but Ray grabbed his arm. 

"Ah, Benny, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to sound like that..." Ben settled back, waiting. "I guess if you love her, I'll have to learn to like her..." 

Ben's eyes slid away from his. "Benny? Do you love her?" Maybe there was hope... 

"Ray, I... she's intelligent, attractive, why shouldn't I love her?" 

"You tell me, Benny." Maybe he shouldn't have sounded so pleased. Benny was scowling at him again. He just knew that one of them, probably him, was going to say something that would start another fight. 

They were both so on edge today, and Ray didn't know why. He turned his head away, trying to regain his composure. Dief was across the room, staring at him, almost as though he was trying to pass a message. Maybe it worked, because suddenly Ray remembered. He gasped, feeling as though he'd been punched in the stomach instead of the nose. His hand tightened on Ben's arm and he had to fight away tears of shock. 

"Ray! What's wrong?" 

"The date, Benny, don't you remember?" Ben shook his head slowly, looking puzzled. "It's a year today since I..." he couldn't say the words. 

"Since you.. what, Ray?" 

"...since I shot you!" Oh, God, the look on Benny's face... Tears were pouring out the corners of his eyes and he didn't even try to stop them. 

He felt a gentle hand slide under his shoulders, lifting and supporting him against a broad, cloth-covered chest. He hadn't cried like this when it happened, that had been a luxury he couldn't afford at the time. And afterward, he had only wanted to forget. Now he couldn't control his reaction. He could feel Benny stroking his hair, could feel Benny's cheek resting against the top of his head. The only sound he could hear was his own sobbing. 

He stopped simply because he was too tired to continue and rested there in Benny's arms for a while. He could hear the beating of Benny's heart now, a reassuring sound. 

When Ben eased Ray back onto the bed he could see that Ray's face was a real mess. He hadn't realised how much pain Ray had been carrying inside him all this time. Ben picked up the towel and went to the sink. When he came back to the bed, he laid the newly moistened towel over Ray's swollen eyes and nose. Ray held the towel to his face, saying nothing for a long time. 

"Here." Ben put a wad of tissues into Ray's hand. 

"Jeez, Benny, I'm sorry." Ray's voice was unusually quiet. 

"Why didn't you tell me, Ray? I had no idea you still felt so badly about that." 

Ray didn't answer him, not sure what the answer was. He shrugged, but the tears started to leak out of his eyes again. Ben took the towel and wiped his face gently, watching him. Ray simply couldn't take his eyes off Ben's face, looking at him with such concern in those blue eyes. He remembered something else... the night he'd woken and watched Benny sleeping. He'd lain awake almost till dawn, watching, and then had resolutely pushed the memory out of his conscious mind. Ray closed his eyes and turned his head away from the blue gaze that seemed to burn through his eyelids. That was one thing he could never tell Benny. He had to get out of here. 

Ray sat up, swayed and put a hand out blindly for support. His arm was grasped firmly and he was back in Benny's arms again. The last place he wanted to be... the only place he wanted to be. He was achingly aware of Benny's hand on his bare back, and then of his own hand resting just below Benny's shoulder, on an upleasantly soggy piece of cloth. He pulled back with an exclamation of disgust. 

"Eeuww! Jeez, Benny, I'm sorry about that." 

Ben couldn't help it, his eyes were dancing with laughter. "It feels pretty awful, Ray. I'd better take it off." 

And he slipped the suspenders off his shoulders and peeled the T-shirt off over his head. But by the time the T-shirt was clear of his eyes, they were serious again. He reached for Ray, mercifully struck dumb by surprise, and took him back into his arms. 

"Is that better, Ray?" Oh, God, yes... Ray leaned his head against Ben's shoulder slowly relaxing under the gentle touch moving over his back and shoulders. Ben's every sense was attuned to Ray, and to his reactions. He heard the shaken breathing, felt the first tremors of arousal and eased him down to the bed, leaning over him. Ray looked up at him in silence, his eyes wide, but not afraid. He brought his hand up from Ray's shoulder to cup the side of his face and lowered his head until their lips were barely touching. It was Ray who made the next move. 

They advanced with exquisite slowness, a touch here, a kiss there, a whisper... At some stage their remaining clothes ceased to be a barrier to this new and wonderful form of communication, and Ray was aware only of the silken touch of Ben's skin against his own... the tiny movements creating delightful sensations all along his body. 

They were lying pressed closely together, their hands still tentatively exploring, when Ray began to shiver, an intense tremor through his whole body. He smothered a gasp in the hollow of Ben's shoulder and went limp, a hot spreading wetness between their bodies all the explanation that was needed. Ray moaned softly, his disappointment obvious. "I'm sorry, Benny... I haven't done that since I was a teenager." 

"It's alright, Ray." Ben held onto him, stroking the nape of his neck, kissing his temple until his breathing steadied. "...it's quite a compliment, I suppose." Ray looked up at him and grinned briefly. 

"Yeah, but what about you?" 

"Don't worry about me..." Ben reached over Ray's body to pick up the towel and began to wipe down his chest and belly, not stopping there, but moving down between his legs, the inside of his thighs, following with his lips until Ray was trembling even harder than before. He took Ray's semi-erect cock into his mouth and sucked gently until it stiffened again, while Ray encouraged him with appreciative moans. Soon Ray's hips began to plunge wildly against him, ending in a brief, intense climax. Ben turned and lay back alongside Ray, taking his face between his hands and kissing him deeply. 

Ray explored Ben's mouth eagerly, tasting himself there, wondering for the first time what Ben's taste would be. His hands moved down over Ben's body, wanting to pleasure him before his body's needs overcame him. But Ben wasn't in any hurry, his body arching against Ray's hands, shuddering with delight at his touch, but still in control. Ray found Ben's cock, grasping it firmly and smiling when Ben gasped. Then curiosity got the better of him, he wanted to look. 

He leaned up on one elbow and looked down the length of Ben's body, so pale next to his own. His fingertips ran along the pale shaft, barely grazing its surface, and circled the tip while he considered. He stroked the foreskin lightly, not really sure what was the right way to go about this, but from Benny's reactions, he must be doing something right. The foreskin slipped back easily, exposing the moistened head and Ray leaned forward to touch his lips to it, hesitating at the last moment. He caught the faintest taste on his lips, running his tongue over them to savour it, then bent his head again to his task. 

Benny's cock seemed almost to have a will of its own, butting against his lips until they parted, then slipping between them, sliding deep into his mouth. Ray was almost overwhelmed by the rush of new sensations, but he wanted this to be right for Benny's sake. He concentrated on accommodating Ben's now urgent thrusting and found, to his relief, that they had somehow achieved a rhythm. He was so near the edge now... Ray cupped his hands around Ben's butt, stroking the suddenly taut muscles as he plunged wildly to his climax. 

Ray was stunned. Benny was usually so calm and self controlled, he had never suspected this passionate nature, so completely hidden until now. He leaned his forehead against Ben's thigh and tried to catch his breath. A hand slowly stroked his back. "Ray?" God, that voice... huskier than usual just now, a voice to haunt your dreams. He turned back into his lover's arms. 

*

Frannie had been right, after all, Ray thought. It was worth reaching out for your dreams, especially when they were reaching right back to you. He looked down at Ben's face, asleep, in the moonlight and smiled. 


End file.
